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I've discovered that even someone with talent as limited as mine can produce piano music that isn't entirely excruciating.

Armed with volume one of Alfred's Basic Adult Piano Course I raced through the sections on how to find middle-C, through a two-finger version of Good King Wenceslas and a three-finger version of Jingle Bells, before slowing up at the pieces with a tune on the right hand and chords in the left.

My right hand can now produce melodies bursting with fluid expression. My left can be trusted to serve up chord progressions every time. Unfortunately they can't do both at the same time.

I routinely look at my fingers only to see them do the exact opposite of what I'm consciously thinking. Instead I'm finding that the best way to sort them out is to try not to think about it at all. Thinking about one hand or the other is usually better than thinking about both, and I suspect that true mastery comes when you don't think about either hand at all, and listen to the music instead.